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From the Columbia Chronicle SPOTTED OWL INDICTED IN LIBERAL PLOT TO STOP HUMAN PROGRESS This is it, my friends, my last column. After spending the last 36 hours in a valium induced come that manage to sap most of my strength and most of my brain cells, I am prepared to write my epitaph on a college career that spanned five years, crossed an entire city, and saw a decade come and go with a tearful eye. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had in writing this column and encourage all frustrated writers at this school to enter the Chronicle Column Contest for the fall semester. Take it from me, you do not have to be very bright or articulate to scratch 400 dictionary words onto a piece of paper and then tie them together with a bunch of prepositions and conjunctions. Before I go I would just like to comment on the letters section of last week's Chronicle. Krista Nabhani suggests in her letter that the Chronicle sucks, not only does she think that the Chronicle sucks, but apparently there are many who agree with her. I personally don't think the Chronicle sucks. Maybe Krista's writing sucks, I don't know because I have never seen her writing and because the Chronicle sucks I may never get the chance. I would say that if this paper truly does suck then it is only because of the apathetic non-contribution of the student body. Krista questions the purpose of a school paper, whether it should: "provide a practice forum for journalism students?" Well, yeah it should. The Chronicle may be a 'Big Toy' of the journalism department, as she suggests, but it is one that the Chronicle staff has continuously encouraged its readers to play with. If the paper seems like it is trying to run like a "real newspaper" it is not because it is obsessed with that goal, it merely aspires to it and there ain't nothing wrong with that. Enough ass-kissin', I just want to say that I dug Columbia in the last three years that I have been here. There are those in the Academic world that may praise the school for our creative spirit and hands-on approach to education, but behind all that I've heard a lot of students from fine Universities around the city talk a lot of shit about a school they know little about. I'm gone from this page and from Columbia and I wish you all luck here and beyond and I want to encourage everybody out there to utilize your summer vacations and if you're graduating, utilize the rest of your lives by reading and expanding your mind, don't let that head organ get flabby, keep it juicy and firm. Here are some suggested books from my own private library, just to offer you a different perspective on things: Act Your Gender! This book (written by a celibate priest) seeks to remind young men and women that even though it might be fun to disregard social norms and live an "alternative" lifestyle, in terms of their sexual relationships, it not only displease the author of this book but God as well. The Real Ollie North. This is a provocative account of how sometimes a man must stand up, take an oath before God and lie to the people of his government in order to protect them against the fact that their government lies to them. The Sting of the Wasp. This book explains how many oppressive white men are overcoming the barriers that come with their color and their convictions by helping them blend in a little better with the melting pot now that Bill Clinton is in the White House. Gem of the day: Peace. |
© 1993 Chris Auman |