DISCOGRAPHY

FOR KIM: 666 DEVIL ROCK
3 song cassette (RoosterCow) 1995

1) The Devil is Pleased
2) Johnny
3) Don't Fear the Devil

Chris Auman: bass, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals

This completely ridiculous piece of music was recorded at the first meeting of Team Satan. It was played sloppily and the recording is absolutely horrific, however, the songs aren't very good either. The cassette cover, of course, is brilliant and was drawn in ballpoint by Mike Wing.

"DEVIL MADE US DO IT" b/w "1996"
7" (OFF-White) 1997

Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass
Todd Uzel: guitar

The Team's vinyl debut on OFF-White Records. The jacket is all black because the original line-drawing was maybe a little too detailed for the silk-screening process and consequently, it looked like shit. Each cover was painted over with India ink although some of the originals still remain in various basements and storage rooms. Years after the release of this seven inch, Mike Dixon created the alternate cover (seen below) which inaccurately lists the record label as RoosterCow, further fanning the flames in the RoosterCow/OFF-White Record Wars.

REVIEWS:

PUNK PLANET
The cover art is pretty awesome, the music heavy, but the vocals ruin it for me. Two songs, wow!!

TAIL SPINS
Damn, Satan has a team and I wasn't asked to play. What does a bastard have to do? Well, apparently, get drunk and skronk your nuts—or rather gonads—off into a boom box. The First Principle of The Conservation of Lyrics is also fully in effect on these two droning, bluesy rockers.

ILLINOIS ENTERTAINER
Team Satan's wicked, distorted sludge-rock on "Devil Made Us Do It" b/w "1996" churns back geysers of muddy riffage like a monster truck, sinking in quicksand with the pedal-to-the-metal in a desperate attempt to escape from going under...

ZEEN
This is GAUNTish and that's a good thing. Plus, they're funny.

THROW RUG
I think this is kinda boring. I think that if I was at a show with this band, it would make me want to go outside. I would be really annoyed if this were the opening band for a band that I wanted to see. "The devil made us do it?" I'm very indifferent to this. This sounds like something that would have been around alot five to seven years ago.
RATING: Like, four. No, three. Four, three, something like that.

The controversial Mike Dixon cover

JR. WING EP
6 song cassette (RoosterCow) 1997

Side One:
1) Yeah, We're Team Satan
2) We're Not Those Kids
3) (C'mon Baby) Let's Sin

Side Two:
1) Death & Destruction
2) Mama Said (Not to Listen to Devil Rock)
3) Muy Malo Chunga (Very Bad Monkey)

Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass
Todd Uzel: guitar

Junior Wing is a monkey, of course. A very bad monkey to be exact. The Junior Wing monkey is the mysterious creature who, after everyone has gone to sleep or passed out, opens a fresh beer, drinks half of its contents, then leaves the remainder on the table to be emptied by some chump the next morning. The cover for this cassette release was a xeroxed copy which was then filled in with a Sharpie. There might have been some Wite-Out involved too. Each cassette was dubbed separately on the old home stereo. Very lo-fi. Very lo-budget. Very Team Satan.

REVIEWS:

ILLINOIS ENTERTAINER
Judging from their Jr. Wing EP, Team Satan is on a mission to bring back the mosh pit—and success is only a few gigs away. They've got a great name and an old-fashioned punk rock sound—minimalist yet kinetic chord progressions, rapid fire vocals and profanity buried underneath incredibly low production values. The formula works, and is sorely missed on the EP's third track, which flirts with a more accessible sound, less volatile identity. Don't expect any details about the songs though—not even the titles are included.

REGLAR WIGLAR
Compelling lyrics, griping guitar work, competent drumming, pounding bass makes this the best record of all time...you know, the Devil made me write that...

TAILSPINS
This is the kind of weird thing to review... because it says it was "recorded in the basement of the OFF-White House sometime in the summer of 1997." The weird part about that is that I saw Team Satan play a live show in the basement of a house which may have been off-white in the summer of 1997. I don't recall the house's color. However, this recording doesn't sound like a live show. (no crowd sounds) so I don't think it was the same night. This four piece punk band has the chops and the fun. I'd like to see them perform again. This cassette shows that their songs are tasty, but I can't recommend anyone buy this. Unfortunately, the sound quality of this cassette is very poor. I hope they put something out with better producution values because they are good.

TEAM SATAN 1996-1998
CD-R (RoosterCow) 1999

01) Yeah, We're Team Satan*
02) We're Not Those Kids*
03) (C'mon Baby) Let's Sin*
04) Death & Destruction*
05) Muy Malo Chunga (Very Bad Monkey)*
06) Mama Said (Not to Listen to Devil Rock)*
07) S.A.T.A.N.*
08) Entropy*
09) That Man Was Crazy*
10) Devil Rockers/Boot Knockers*
11) Fire*
12) Lucifer I**
13) Yeah, We're Team Satan**
14) We're Not Those Kids**
15) Team Satan Lies**
16) Sister Satan**
17) Lucifer II**
18) S.A.T.A.N.**
19) Death & Destruction**
20) (You're So) Apocalyptic**
21) Henchmen**
22) Mama Said (Not to Listen to Devil Rock)**
23) Hey Devil Rocker**
24) Lucifer III**
25) John Peters (Live)*

*Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass
Todd Uzel: guitar

**Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass
John Peters: guitar, vocals

Just a big old mess of everything. The first eleven songs were recorded to 8-track in the basement of the OFF-White house. It's basically the Junior Wing EP plus "S.A.T.A.N." and then four real old songs that predate the cassette. The second part was recorded at Lab East: Kris Poulin's first recording job in Chicago. It's a shame this batch of songs never got an official release. Maybe someday... are you listening Dick Cockman? The last track is a live version of the song "John Peters", an ode to the unflappable Sneaky Petes who would later join the band, which is when we would have to stop playing it, as the song really irritated him for some reason.

REVIEWS:

ILLINOIS ENTERTAINER
Team Satan bears many similarities to the early Misfits on this lo-fi collection of 25 short songs about evil. But unlike the punk-metal legends, it's hard to tell whether it's simply a parody. "Sista' Satan" has a beach party guitar riff a la the Thrill Kill Kult, and a female vocalist offering a pretty catchy chorus every parent dreads hearing from their daughter, "Satan has a sister and she looks just like me." This group needs to elevate quality over quantity.—M.D.

ROCTOBER
Hella good!

FAREWELL REUNION
CD-R (RoosterCow) 1999

1) Devil Rockers/Boot Knockers
2) Yeah, We're Team Satan
3) We're Not Those Kids
4) The Devil Rock Stomp
5) S.A.T.A.N.
6) Mama Said (Not to Listen to Devil Rock)
7) Devil Made Us Do It
8) 1999
9) Death & Destruction

Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass
Todd Uzel: guitar

No one in Team Satan knew this recording existed for years, but it did and it does. Recorded on some sort of hand-held device by a member of the band Fakir, this was the last live show of the re-assembled Team and features a song (track 4) that no one seems to remember writing or playing. It's been dubbed "The Devil Rock Stomp" for lack of a better title. The cover, provided by the Fabulous Fakir Boyz (as I like to call them) is not, in fact, Team Satan, but Booker Noe. Booker Noe did feature two TS members (the powerful Wing-Kolb combo).

0 TO 60 IN 73 BANDS
Comp. CD (No!No!) 2000

"(You're So) Apocalyptic"

Chris Auman: guitar, vocals
Mike Wing: drums, vocals
Lori Kolb: bass, vocals
John Peters: guitar, vocals

Don't remember how this came about. Anyway, the Team posthumously contributed this song to a comp. which featured songs under one minute. Several seconds had to be clipped off the intro to "(You're So) Apocalyptic" to make it qualify, but it's an improvement overall.

PHOTOS

L-R: Auman, Wing, Kolb, Uzel during happier times

Wing entered this photo in a contest for your team to be featured on a Cheerio's box. We also wanted to get a Subway sandwich named after us. Both of these smart business moves failed but we did manage to get the Beat Kitchen to sell a drink called 'The Team Satan' for one night. It was a shot of whisky with a maraschino cherry in it.

TEAM SATAN LIVE
(as miss-remembered by Chris Auman)

1996

?/96 PHYLLIS MUSICAL INN
This was the debut of the Team back when we were only a three piece. We opened for the New Rob Robbies. The line-up was Todd "T-Bux" Uzel and myself on guitars and Wing on drums with Wing and myself handling the vocal duties.

What a mess. I remember the stage vibrating so much my vodka and soda tipped over during a song. I managed to get enough of those in me by the end of the night to make up for it. T-Bux was spitting beer on me onstage. Very disrespectful but not surprising. I think the immortal Mike Dixon was there. First time I ever laid eyes on him. I thought he was the guy who used to work at Wax Trax but I was wrong. People said we were great. We probably sucked. The Robbies needed to borrow Wing's PA, so putting Team Satan on the bill was brokered into the deal by Wing. Yeah, you can blame it all on The Robbies but they aren't together anymore. I know where to find most of them though.

?/96 BEDROCK'S
This show was with Bee Knees. Remember Bedrocks? Another club that Team Satan played that was literally demolished soon after. It was mostly a metal joint. It was pretty nondescript on the exterior but the interior music room was painted in some sort of fake stone. I think they were going for a castle motif. This show was kind of like a battle of the bands. I had to take a cab to the show straight from the Chicago Diner where all three of us in the band worked as cooks. Another show done as a three piece. Don't remember much of the performance except that people said we were great but we probably sucked. We had to borrow equipment which would become a theme with us for awhile. The barflies refused to turn around once during our entire set to watch. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we were awful... awfully brilliant!

7/13 GALLERY CABARET
"Thunder and Lightning Festival" with Jarvis Brown and Smitten. Not really sure why this was called "The Thunder and Lightning Festival" but it was. I think Mike Dixon had something to do with that. He made the flyers for it. Dixon was in Smitten at the time. Jarvis Brown featured Fergus Kaiser (who would later play with Lying in States) and Mark Morton (currently in Lamb of God). T. Bux was in that band too. And Tripp Hill.

Wing wanted to serve food at this thing so we set up a table and laid out some lame spread. I know there were deviled eggs involved, which is never a good idea.

Tripp from Jarvis Brown was drumming like such an absolute madman that he fell backwards off his drum stool during one song and before he could start another one, he grabbed an empty bowl from the buffet table and was seriously contemplating vomiting into it. He didn't. I thought they were fucking great.

I think this is the first show where Wing lit up a joint and passed it around to us before we started our set. That could have got us killed I think. The bar owner looked like he was capable of it. This was probably our first show with Lori Kolb on bass. Finally a four piece. We needed that extra piece of the puzzle, believe me. The deal was that the next person to walk through the door of our OFF-White practice space with a bass guitar would be our new bass player. That'd be Miss Kolb, bless her heart.

7/27 KIMBAL HOUSE
This show was in the basement of the house Fergus and T-Bux lived in off Kimball Avenue, way, way the fuck west of where everyone else lived. I think some Virginians were in town and Bux and Mark Morton re-formed their old band Fatty Love to play that night. We opened. I know Wing passed the joint around again and I was instantly too stoned to tune my guitar by ear and I had no tuner. This is the first show that I thought we really ripped everyone a new one. It was over in about ten red hot minutes. After our set we learned that some nut-job had just set off a bomb in Atlanta during some Olympic ceremonies or some such nonsense.

8/18 BIG HORSE
With Burn the Priest. Whoops, Team Satan really fucked this one up by getting too drunk and making fools out of ourselves in front of the band that would become Lamb of God. Mark Morton wasn't in the band yet, but he was in the audience. He was not amused. Afterwards, Wing and I tried to wipe the memories away with a bottle of tequila and you know what? It worked. Actually, it must not have because obviously I still remember.

9/16 GALLERY CABARET
Again with the mighty New Rob Robbies. This might have been the "Around the Monkey Festival," not sure (Wing's answer to Wicker Park's annual "Around the Coyote Art Festival"). We did ok. Didn't pull the crowd we did the first time we played the Cabaret and the owner was keeping track. I went around the bar with the hat at the end of the night because we didn't charge a cover. One table told me that Team Satan made their night but we didn't make a plug nickel.

1997

1/16 OFF-WHITE HOUSE
We played the OFF-White House after the Big Horse show with Lord Of Lightening and Gone Daddy Finch was cancelled due to blizzardy conditions. Gone Daddy Finch never made it out of Ohio and I'm not really sure what Lord of Lightning was about. It might have just been one guy. Anyway, Wing and I spent the afternoon digging out Mark Morton's van so we could get to the show, but it was all for naught. The night before, after a show at Lounge Ax, I stumbled upon Mike Dixon and his friend Keith Blaise in a 4am bar on Ashland where we drank and drank. The combination of the subsequent hangover and the van dig-out the next day caused me to almost pass out during our set, which was short and to the point and if I remember correctly, awesome. It was the kind of show only adversity can create.

4/?/97 OFF-WHITE HOUSE
Easter Sunday. With Chapstik? Don't remember. Some Texas band, I think it was Chapstik. That one guy, the Chapstik manager, was a nutter. I remember him making a shitload of spaghetti for the band. Don't remember much about the show except that I have a recording of it and it's pretty funny. Wing was in top audience-baiting form that night.

7/3 LOUNGE AX
With REO Speedealer, Tedio Boys & I Love Rich. This was in the John Peters era of Team Satan. Lori Kolb had gone back to Richmond but then came back. T-Bux was chasing tail back to Virginy so we brought in Petes. We actually played one show with an all male version of the Team with Petes on bass. That would have been at the Big Horse but I don't remember the when or the who with.

10/31 OFF-WHITE HOUSE
Halloween Show. There's a video of this or otherwise I would have remembered very little. Bad Ronny is given the microphone to substitute his own twisted lyrics or "raps" over classic Team Satan riffs. This theme would continue the following month when the Team would provide backing support for Bad Ronny's "Television Rap Opera".

11/9 BEAT KITCHEN
Backing Band for "Television Rap Opera Part II" by Ronald "Bad Ronny" Simsic. Where to begin with Bad Ronny? Shit. Wing and Kolb were working at Beat Kitchen at this point and that's where they met the white rapper from Detroit; Bad Ronnie. He wrote a rap opera about TV and had three separate performances at the Beat Kitchen where three different bands backed him up. I didn't see the other two because I had to work, but the one Team Satan did was pretty silly and I have video proof of it.

12/12 BEAT KITCHEN
w/ Grand Theft Auto & Fakir. The legendary Spot was crashing at Wing's house during a solo tour, so we brought him along for this BK show.

? POPS ON CHICAGO
w/ who? Good question. Pistol Whipped perhaps. Don't remember much about this show except that it wasn't very good. Pop's was kind of a hot mess all around. The owners liked their freakin' booze, that's for sure. I think Pop's eventually burned down.

11/20 BEAT KITCHEN
w/ The Renfields and probably someone else. I can't remember.

11/12 PHYLLIS MUSICAL INN
This was the musical part of Mike Wing's "Monkeys and Frogs" paint exhibit at Phyllis'. I think we were the only band.

1998

2/13 BIG HORSE
w/ Redneck Exorcist and Neutral Drop. Another Big Horse show. It probably went down something like this: Load out from the practice space in Uptown, drive to Wicker Park, load into Big Horse, drink, play, drink, load out, drive back to Uptown, load into the practice space, drink until the sun comes up, sleep a few hours and go to work. We had that shit down pretty tight.

3/3 FIRESIDE BOWL
w/ Candy Snatchers, The Daggers and The Mashers. People bled at this show. Fortunately, it was the Candy Snatchers.

4/17 BIG HORSE
w/ Proletariat Seven and Fakir . See above.

8/18 BIG HORSE
w/ Burn the Priest and Daisy Farm. We get a chance to redeem ourselves for BTP. Did we? Who knows? Got this one on video.

9/5 BIG HORSE
With Redneck Exorcist and judging by the shitty flyer I made for the show (see below) "special guest."

10/12 EMPTY BOTTLE
w/ Brenda Kahn, Starless, and Tekluvi. Our last show!!! Or so we thought at time. Features the triumphant return of Todd "T-Bux" Uzel replacing the recently skipped town, John Peters. The original line-up reunites. How special.

1999

6/24 LOUNGE AX
w/ Mustache, Speedealer. In an attempt to resuscitate the ailing Team, T-Bux organized this show for Team Satan's death rattle. Truly the end of the band.

FLYERS

Thunder & Lightning Posters by Mike Dixon

LYRICS

YEAH, WE'RE TEAM SATAN
(Wing/Uzel/Auman)

Yeah, we're Team Satan
We know what to do
It would take a million motherf*ckers
Just to do all the evil we do

Yeah, we're Team Satan
We got the grades that pass
And if you don't believe it
We're gonna kick your f*ckin' ass right now

Yeah, we're Team Satan
We want in your head
We're on our third cup of coffee when most mother-f*ckers are in bed

Yeah, we're Team Satan
We got the grades that pass
And if you don't believe it
We're gonna kick your f*ckin' ass right now

WE'RE NOT THOSE KIDS
(Auman)

We're not those kids
Yeah, we're not that kind
And we'd rather tell you to f*ck off
Than give you the time

And we can be cold
And we can turn off
We can be all right
But we'd rather be wrong

We're not those kids
Yeah, we're not that kind
And we'd rather tell you to f*ck off
Than give you the time

We can get our way
Or we can get gone
We can take all f*cking day
But that'd take too f*cking long
So come on!

C'MON BABY (LET'S SIN)
(Auman)

C'mon on baby let's sin
Let's sin tonight
C'mon baby let's sin
By the candle light
If we ain't sinnin', girl
Then we ain't winnin', girl
So come on, let's sin tonight

DEATH & DESTRUCTION
(Wing/Auman)

Death & Destruction are coming
Baby, it's too late to save your ass
Your savior is too late
And you've chosen the wrong path

Death, he's a mean motherf*cker
And I'm afraid you pissed him off
But when the shit went down
There was no one else around, no

Devil is pleased with me
Devil is pleased with me
He keeps my pockets
Always filled with money

Devil is pleased with me
Devil is pleased with me
I keep his shoes shined
Oh yeah, the Devil is pleased with me

Devil is pissed at me
Devil is pissed at me
But I couldn't kill that man
Way down in New Orleans

Death & Destruction are coming
Baby, it's too late to save your ass
It is much too late to save your ass

MUY MALO CHUNGO (VERY BAD MONKEY)
(Team Satan)

(Instrumental)

MAMA SAID (NOT TO LISTEN TO DEVIL ROCK)
(Wing/Auman)

Mama said not to listen to devil rock (8x)

But I'm here to tell you, sisters

Mama is a bitch (8x)

Daddy said leave the devil alone (8x)

But I'm here to you, brothers

Daddy drank a lot (8x)

Mama said take off your clothes (8x)

S.A.T.A.N.
(Team Satan)

S.A.T.A.N. (4x)

Come again
Come again
That's right, come again

DEVIL ROCKERS/ BOOT KNOCKERS
(Wing/Auman)

Devil Rockers and Boot Knockers
Devil Rockers and Boot Knockers, come on!

FIRE
(Wing/Auman)

There's a fire burning tonight
I can feel it burning bright
There's a fire burning tonight
I can feel it burning bright

FIRE!

LUCIFER I
(Team Satan)

(Instrumental)

TEAM SATAN LIES
(Team Satan)

Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies
At the Fireside Bowl

Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies

Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies
Team Satan lies
You know we do
And you do to

SISTER SATAN
(Kolb)

Did you know Satan has a sister?
Satan has a sister and she looks just like me
Did you know Satan has a sister?
Satan has a sister and I think she's me

She will grab your heart and she will rip it out
She will hold your soul and chew while you shout
And she will, will you?

LUCIFER II
(Team Satan)

(Instrumental)

(YOU'RE SO) APOCALYPTIC
(Auman)

You're so apocalyptic
You're so apocalyptic
You're so apocalyptic
The things you say, well they're downright cryptic
And your so apocalyptic, yeah

Never thought I was optimistic
Always thought I was realistic
But I'll be damned if it's that simplistic
But your so apocalyptic, yeah.

HENTCHMAN
(Team Satan)

Ain't gonna be your henchman
We will not do what you say
Ain't gonna be your henchman
We will not do what you say, no way

HEY, DEVIL ROCKER
(Team Satan)

We don't have time for all your silly little predictions
Your predications, they're just fiction
They cause problems in our lives

If you can't see then you need a stronger prescription
You better renew you subscription
You rub us the wrong way all the time

Hey Devil Rocker!
They'll never take the Devil Rock out of you
And if they ever try you know we know what to do
We know you do to

Hey Big Fish!
When yah gonna make that splash?
And what makes you think that splash is gonna last?
You might splash fast

LUCIFER III
(Team Satan)

(Instrumental)

JOHN PETERS
(Team Satan)

John! John Peters!
Yeah!
The Man can't keep him down!
John! John Peters!

Peters
Sneaky Peters
Sneaky Petes
Sneaky Peters
Sneaky Johnny Peters

ETC.