WORK @ HOME!

So I was looking for a job on the Internets one day and I happened upon an ad for a company in search of a Customer Service Representative. There was no reason to suspect that the ad wasn’t legitimate. Here, judge for yourself:

XXXX, Inc. is a leading custom software, web & database development company delivering world-class outsourcing services for both Fortune 500 and venture start-up companies around the globe.

Currently, we are looking for a Customer Service Representative.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

• Follows departmental policies and procedures, particularly in regards to customer confidentiality
• Accurately enters or confirms customer information into database; initiates and/or completes proper request forms in assisting customers.
• Effectively uses computer systems for tracking, information gathering, and/or troubleshooting.
• Perform any other duties assigned

MINIMUM KNOWLEDGE, SKILLS AND ABILITIES REQUIRED:

High school education or equivalent. Must be able to perform data entry and basic computer skills

Seemed like your run-of-the-mill CSR ad. Nothing special. There was no mention of pay, or of the location of the company, although I assumed that it was Chicago-based since it was advertised on the web site of a local weekly newspaper. I e-mailed my résumé through the Craig's List link and to my surprise received an e-mail response almost immediately. I was informed by Recruiting Agent, Daniel Clarke, that my application was under review. Mr. Clark also informed me that his employer, which I will not divulge the name of as they are a real and legitimate company who likely have no knowledge of what was about transpire, was looking for a customer service agent to work from home. The pay was twenty bucks an hour. Well, you can read it for yourself:

January 26, 2009 8:25:21 AM CST

My name is Daniel Clarke Recruiting Agent to XXXX INC. We have received your job application posted to us; your resume is under review. Below is the applicant we are looking for.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Class Title: Customer Service Representative
Class Code: 9933
Job Class: Independent Employee (Work from Home)
Pay Grade: 509
Salary: $20/Hour, 5-8hrs a day, Monday - Friday (Monthly Payment)

RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Follows departmental policies and procedures, particularly in regards to customer confidentiality
• Effectively uses computer systems for tracking, information gathering, and/or troubleshooting.
• Receiving and disbursement of Payment to Orphanage Homes, Less
Perform any other duties assigned

REQUIREMENTS:
• Phone Line & Internet
• Computer PC OR Notebook

BRIEF INTERVIEW:
• Do you have a Computer and Internet and a phone Line?
• Do you have another Job and if yes, Is it a full time Job or a part time Job.
• Will you be able to dedicate at least 5 hours (Part-time)
or 8hrs (Full Time) per day 9am-2pm or 9am-5pm, Monday – Friday?

Reply back to me if you are interested in this position and meet the requirement.

Daniel Clarke
Recruiting Officer
XXXX, INC

This didn't seem to jibe with the ad they placed and the "Payment to Orphanage Homes" line that appears in the job responsibilities section seemed a little suspect. Not only that, but I was a little suspicious of how quickly I had seemingly been "hired" for this work-from-home position. Groucho Marks famously said that he didn't care to belong to any club that would accept people like him as a member. That's generally my feeling about employers. I don't know if I can trust a company that would hire me so quickly. Let's face it, even with a substantial amount of padding, my résumé is not all that impressive. At any rate, I answered Daniel Clark’s brief interview questions and received the following response the next day:

January 27, 2009 10:09:21 AM CST

Thank you for your email, your answers to the question has been received and approved. You will be working from home as an independent employee and you will need to have a computer with internet connectivity at home in order to be effective in this job.

This is a work from home position and your location do not matter, you will be working on General Customer Service duties, your assignments will be made available to you vie email, phone and IM, you will be assigned with a supervisor that will guide you through your assignments, your salary will be made available to you by certified check or wire transfer.

Attached is a Contract Agreement Form (CAF) with contains our terms and conditions associated with this position. Review the contract agreement form carefully, sign the last page the CAF and return back via E-mail or Fax #: 270-812-6055, contact via email as soon as you have sent the signed CAF, to transfer you to your supervisor for your complete employment profile and assignment updates.

Regards,

Daniel Clarke
Recruiter Officer
XXXX, INC

Suddenly Daniel Clarke's diction and grammar appear to suffer (“your location do not matter”?), however, I did sign the Confidential Agreement Form and e-mailed it back. I did have to provide my mailing address and signature on the form, but no other personal information was requested of me in the paperwork. It may have been at this point that I noticed Mr. Clark’s e-mail address was somewhat suspicious as well. The domain name in the address was not the company he professed to work for, but a Yahoo e-mail account. The following day I received a congratulatory e-mail from Mr. Clarke:

January 28, 2009 4:13:13 AM CST

Congratulations!! This is a confirmation message to let you know that your signed CAF has been received successfully.

Fill out the Form below and have them forward to your Supervisor (Mr. Joe) to Email Address: xxxxxxx@yahoo.com, for your complete employment file setup.

Employee Data Form

Full Name:
Address:
State:
City:
Zip Code:
Country:
Home Number:
Email Address:

You are required to setup a screen name with yahoo messenger
immediately, add and instant message your supervisor (Mr. Joe) on
yahoo ID: joe2desk, to provide you with more information on the job and when to start working.

Note: The yahoo messenger will be your major means of communication

Congratulation ones again for been part of XXXX, INC, please contact your supervisor via email and Instant Messenger so that he can provide you with more information on the job and your complete employment setup.

Regards,

Daniel Clarke
Recruiter Officer
XXXX, INC.

Mr. Clark seemed genuinely elated at my ability to successfully fill out the CAF, “Congratulation ones again,” he had written. The aforementioned employee data form simply asked for the same information I had already provided—the same info that was on the résumé I had initially sent them. I filled it out the form and forwarded it to “Mr. Joe”. The next day I received an e-mail from my new supervisor, Mr. Joe:

January 29, 2009 7:18:35 AM CST

Welcome to XXXX Inc, My name is Joe Phillip; I will be your Supervisor for the Customer Service Representative.
 
You will need to be online on the yahoo messenger to receive updates on your daily assignment, your working hours are from 8am-4pm or 8am-1pm your time, depending on the hours you applied.
 
Note: The time you are online determines your pay as we have a program installed to the yahoo messenger that keep tracks of the time you are online. You will receive a paycheck at the end of every 30 days via regular mail.
 
You will need to report directly to me for anything you need, I will be ONLINE ON THE YAHOO MESSENGER to guide you through your assignments.
 
My yahoo ID is joe2desk; instant messenger me now to receive updates on your assignments.
 
 
Joe Phillip, Supervisor
XXXX, INC

I already had a Yahoo e-mail account so I went ahead and IMed the boss so I could receive my assignments. I received this e-mail the following day:

January 30, 2009 9:42:39 AM CST

The Company has introduced a Domestic Petty Cash Payment; The purpose for this funds is to help employees solve any domestic or emergency assignments that may require the use of funds. E.g. Shipping Payments, Sales Payments, Payments to Ophanages, Packaging/Tapes Bills and any other related domestic Payments.
 
OBJECTIVES:
 
Receive Petty Cash Payment
 
INSTRUCTIONS:
• Notify Supervisor as soon as you receive payment by regular mail, FedEx or UPS.
• Have funds cashout from your bank.
• Notify Supervisor as soon as a fund is available for further assignment update.
 
I will need you to re-confirm your full name and mailling address for the delivery.
 
Regards,
Joe Phillip, Supervisor

Again he asks me for my full name and mailing address which I had already provided to the company twice in addition to my résumé. I did not re-confirm my info or respond to this particular e-mail. In fact, it would be the last e-mail I would receive from either Joe or Daniel. From here on out, I would be communicating with my Supervisor via Instant Messenger. Every morning when I logged onto Yahoo IM, not at the scheduled 8pm start time, but usually around 10am, I would have this message waiting for me:

Joe
how are you this morning

To which I would always reply: good. And that would be it for the day. This would go on for days at a time. I had no reason to suspect that there was anything legitimate about this "job" but I didn't really see Joe's angle yet. It was more out of curiosity that I logged into Yahoo. It was never at the scheduled time, and some days I would forget to log on all together. Joe didn’t seem to mind. This went on for a week or two and then one morning I logged in only to be greeted by this:

8:16AM
Joe
Good Moning
How are you doing today...

10:17AM
Joe
where have you been/.
BUZZ!!!
?

10:19AM
chris.auman
I've been busy working on my assignments and I guess I forgot to sign in to yahoo this morning. Sorry about that, boss.

8:16AM
Joe
you need to always stay online

10:20AM
chris.auman
ok, sorry.  What's up?

10:20AM
Joe
so how are you doing with your assignment?

10:21AM
chris.auman
Good. It's a tough one, but I am making good progress.

10:22AM
Joe
ok

The fact that I had not been assigned anything, didn’t seem to faze either one of us. It was just important for him that I be on-line from 8AM to 1PM. I had already decided that Joe was probably not even in this hemisphere but more likely somewhere in Western Africa at a crowded Internet cafe filled with like-minded "Supervisors" trying to think of new ways to import more Yankee dollars. At any rate, in spite of this reprimand from the boss, I made no effort to sign in earlier than 10AM, in fact, I found it difficult to even sign in that early. Usually he didn’t seem to mind, here is an example of a typical instant message from Joe:

10:30AM
Joe
Hello
How are you doing

10:30AM
chris.auman
hello.
good

10:30AM
Joe
ok
let me know if you need anything

10:31AM
chris.auman
ok.

After several more weeks of this, Joe must have decided that the hook was sufficiently baited and it was time to reel in the fish. I received these instructions:

10:22AM
Joe 
Good Morning
How are you
Will update you on primary assignments shortly
The Company has introduced a Domestic Petty Cash Payment; the purpose for this fund is to help employees solve any domestic or emergency assignments that may require the use of funds. E.g. Shipping Payments, Packaging/Tapes, Postages and any other related domestic Payments. 

You are required take 5-10 mins of your time to set up an account with www.FaceCard.com to received a Prepaid Face MasterCard for this purpose, click the link to signup http://members.facecard.com/get.php 

Email me with the account login details to enable the company credit the account with funds as as soon as you are through with the signup.

Let me know if you need anything
brb
 

brb meaning Be Right Back. Joe ended almost every IM exchange with brb, even though he never was. Even though I had no intention of performing this task, I replied back asking how much I should put on the card. I received no reply. The next day, Joe seemed to forget all about his request from the previous day:

10:30AM
Joe
Good Morning

10:31AM
chris.auman
Good morning

10:32AM
Joe
How are you doing

10:32AM
chris.auman
Good.

10:33AM
Joe
how are you doing with your assignment

10:33AM
chris.auman
Which assignment?

10:33AM
Joe
I need you to map-out the industrial areas of your State and find out the available lands in those areas that are yet to be developed or for sale. If unable to locate such then look up very good realestate agents in your location and retreive their contact details.

Land Lenght about 20acrs

Assignment Objestive: XXXX, INC is looking for locations to situate its branch in your state.

Assisgnment Duration: 3 days

Let me knw if you need anything

10:35AM
chris.auman
Ok.

It should go without saying that I did not complete this important assignment and I received no further inquiries as to its progress. Everything was smooth sailing and I guess I was supposed to be earning $20 an hour for my services of staying logged into my Yahoo account. Yes, everything was fine and dandy until Joe dropped this bombshell on me one morning:

10:50AM
Joe
where have u been?

10:53AM
chris.auman
Just making some coffee.

10:54AM
Joe
you have not been online

10:54AM
chris.auman
I was on-line but not on yahoo, i guess. Sorry.

11:00AM
Joe
you are not taking this job seriouse
are u

11:01AM
chris.auman
I have not received any instructions or assignments or anything but "good mornings" for over a week. What is there to take serious? I just sit here all day and do nothing.

11:02AM
Joe
you have not been online to receive updates

11:03AM
chris.auman
Alright, send me an update then.

It took Joe five minutes to come up with a reply to this reasonable request:

11:08AM
Joe
Note that your assignments are been put together at the controller office.. and as soon as i have it i will send them to you... but still make sure that you are always online to receive updates on your assignment

11:08AM
chris.auman
ok

This the first time I heard about The Controller. I had not been advised that it was the Controller’s job to send me my daily assignments. This Controller appeared to be quite a slacker and not too diligent in his work. Fine with me. At any rate, I received no assignments from The Controller and I made no effort to comply with Joe’s wishes to stay logged in and everything was fine for a few more days. Then Joe got somewhat cryptic:

10:24AM
Joe
Good Morning

11:00AM
chris.auman
Good morning.

11:00AM
Joe
you are invisible

11:00AM
chris.auman
Yes.

11:00AM
Joe
Become availble so I know you are here

11:01AM
chris.auman
ok.

Joe didn’t seem angry or annoyed, if anything he seemed almost concerned. That didn’t last long. My continued noncompliance over the next week brought the old Joe back to the fore:

10:45AM
Joe
you come online when you want to
and log out when you choose to

10:46AM
chris.auman
i haven't heard from you in a week.

10:48AM
Joe
could you reconfirm your mailing addres as i just recieve an update form the controller office that petty cash will be mailed to you tomorrow and your salary will be mailed next week
please reconfirm your full legal name and mailing address for delivery

10:49AM
chris.auman
i've confirmed it many times already. why don't you have it?

10:49AM
Joe
BUZZ!!!
do that now!

10:50AM
chris.auman
mr. craig definitely has that info.

10:50AM
Joe
as ur supervisor am telling you to reconfirm it

10:51AM
chris.auman
can you tell me why i would need petty cash?

10:51AM
Joe
the petty cash funds will be used to solve any assignment that require the use of money..
purchasing office equipments or softwares
making payment to shipping company for shippment of office supplies

10:52AM
chris.auman
so i would use the money to ship office equipment from where to where?

10:52AM
Joe
supplies will be shipped to you

10:52AM
chris.auman
what kind of supplies? to be used for what? this has never been very clear.

10:53AM
Joe
custom designed supplies
laptops
printer
softwares
for your upcoming assignments
it will be full loaded with the companies softwares

10:54AM
chris.auman
cool, so i would get a new computer, printer and a laptop so i could work on my assignments better?

10:54AM
Joe
yes
when the contract is over you will return the company property
ok

10:55AM
chris.auman
oh, well in that case, i can just use my own stuff. i have all that computer equipment; computer, laptop computer, computer printer, etc, etc, etc

10:56AM
Joe
are they customised to the company needs

10:49AM
chris.auman
i think they are.

Joe has signed out.

I didn't hear from Joe for a few days. I started to think that maybe he had given up on me. Had I been too insubordinate, pushed him too far? He was no doubt overworked with dozens of potential rubes scattered across the North American continent. Maybe he had gotten into a heated argument with the Controller over my bad attitude. I figured I should send Joe a message and rattle his cage a little bit, maybe he had gotten as complacent as I had. I sent him this message one afternoon:

12:12
chris.auman
Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?

This message went on for much, much longer and I broke it down into a dozen or so separate messages just in case Joe could receive them as text messages through his mobile phone. Still I heard nothing from him. I believe Joe simply lost his patience with me. I’m sure as he sat in that Internet cafe in Nigeria he made a decision that I was either too stupid or too crazy to be bothered with. No “good morning, how are you," no reprimands, nothing.

I missed Joe. I tried to patch things up with him at one point. I sent him a IM apologizing and explaining that I had gone off my meds. I heard nothing back for a week. Finally, I sent this e-mail to the address I had for Mr. Clark:

Delicate subject matter, for your eyes only, sir.

Dear Mr. Clark,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint against one of your employees, Mr. Joe Phillip. I have found Mr. Phillip, to be abusive and mean in his treatment of me. I work diligently on my assignments as they are assigned by the Controller, and yet this does not seem to be good enough for Mr. Joe Phillip. Mr. Joe constantly harasses me about not being logged into my Yahoo IM at all times. What am I, a slave or some sort of robotic machine? He sometimes asks me what I am wearing which is no small outrage in today's modern day workplace environment. Furthermore, I believe the man to be a drunkard with few (if any!) scruples. His vile temper and sometimes violent BUZZing noises are disturbing to someone of my mental condition, which I assure you is under complete control with the proper medication. Am I not a valuable and highly productive part of the XXXX Team? The answer is a yes in the affirmative. All who know my work would enthusiastically agree. I demand treatment as such!

Thank you for your time. I look forward to you taking immediate action in this regard.

Very respectfully yours,

C. Auman

PS: I shiver at the thought of what sort of pornographic materials that man is viewing on company time. One can only vividly imagine. It is probably very disgusting and perverted!

I received no reply to my complaint to Mr. Daniel who was more than likely Mr Joe as well. After a week of silence, I sent Joe one last instant message and was astonished to received a reply:

10:35AM
chris.auman
i luv you.

10:36AM
joe
i luv you.

We left it at that.