RW#6-4

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RW #6 (1995)

THE GREAT BRAIN
"Ray" b/w "Half Decayed" (Faye)
People have called me the Great Brain before. Yeah, in high school algebra class, the teacher, Mr. Nelson, called me the Great Brain. He'd say, in front of the whole class, "Why don't we let the Great Brain come up to the board and figure this one out. Mr. McMurphy?" I used to get straight Ds in that class so I could never figure out why he was in such awe of my intelligence. I'm gonna have to look that fucker up some day and flog him. "Hey, Mr. Nelson, remember me? The Great Brain?" I just got this brilliant idea to kick your ass!"—Muggsy McMurphy

MERCY RULE
"Simple World" b/w "Sinking" (Faye)
I couldn't listen to this record enough to review. it. Honestly. I'm not saying that this record is good or bad, I just couldn't get through it. Maybe you'll like it. I know I shouldn't have even brought it up if I wasn't going to review it. It's too late now and it's all my fault. Jesus, I'm sorry—P.C. Jones

TEAM SATAN
Devil Rock cassette (RoosterCow)
I feel downright evil listening to this tape. The Devil has been at work on these fella's that's for damned sure. The first track "The Devil is Pleased" sent chills right down my Catholic spine. Evil "Johnny" fared no better and the last track, "Death & Destruction". Guys, please, it's not that bad, ok? I don't know when Satan got cool again but fuck it, I'm still down with Jesus, man. Forget this Devil Rock shit. Oh, I almost forgot to say in this review; Team Satan put the evil in devil. No wait, they put the D on Evil thus making Devil. No, they put the D in Devil. That makes more sense. Bye—Muggsy McMurphy

DORIS
"Talk me Down" b/w "Unfrozen King"
Stop giving your bands female names right now! Or using female names as part of your group name. And for god's sake, the first letter of a proper noun is always capitalized. You're not being cute or creative by not capitalizing it, so after you change the name of your band, capitalize the first letter. Thank you. You may go back to making records now, if that's what you really think you should be doing—Joey Germ

SNAGGLETOOTH/SHOOT THE GIFT
Split 7" (Mutant Renegade)
I call it an EP if the 7" has more than two songs on it. I don't know if anybody else uses those requirements for a 7" to be an EP instead of a single, but probably and anyway, so what? Cincinnati bands on this EP; Snaggletooth and Shoot the Gift. I'm a little more partial to the Shoot the Gift side although I have this sinking suspicion that both Shoot the Gift songs are about a cat. We got a couple cats (mutants really) running around Wiglar HQ so I know what cats are all about and I don't think two whole songs should be dedicated in honor of their antics even if one of the songs is an instrumental. The song "G & Yarn", I'm thinkin'... it's gotta be about a cat, you know why? Because in the liner notes there is a thank you to G, and cats love yarn. You gotta be part blood hound to review records, man, I'm tellin' yah. The adrenaline rush is a high like no other. On with pet themes: Snaggletooth got a song about a fishbowl, but it's not really about a fishbowl with like, a fish in it or anything. It's kind of a metaphor. I'm not overly keen on Snaggletooth but the band's singer, Ali Edwards, has some pretty intense moments on "Fishbowl" especially with the headphones on and the volume jacked. "Pinball" on the other hand, shoots right out of the slot and tries to score high but was bounced around all over the place and went right down the middle with me. Gotta go—P.C. Jones

THE CHAINSAW KITTENS
"Granddaddy's Candy" b/w "Bones in My Teeth" 7" (Scratchie)
This label started when a group of semi-famous people (James Iha and D'Arcy from Smashing Pumpkins and some others with a little extra spending money) were having a dinner party when they came up with this idea for Scratchie Records. Which makes me think that maybe they shouldn't have opened that last bottle of wine. Chainsaw Kittens don't sound at all like I thought they would. You know how you think you know what a band sounds like and you kind of make a judgment about them and how they sound because you think you know, but in reality, you've never even heard them but you say they suck anyway 'cause of what you think you thought? You know? C'mon admit it. I've met enough of you people to know you're out there. Seems like Chainsaw Kittens are tryin to break out of the mold of what an "alternative" band is supposed to sound like which is almost refreshing—The Germer

FULFLEJ
"Work in This Universe" b/w "Parallel to Gravity" 7" (Scratchie)
Fulflej, (OK, deep breath)... Guys, that is not how you spell fulfledge, if that's what you're thinking. In fact, fulfledge isn't even a word. Fulfledged is a word, not fulfledge, and whatever fulflej does mean, if it's your band's name, then it's a proper noun and if it's a proper noun then the first letter NEEDS TO BE FUCKING CAPITALIZED! Sorry. See, now I can't review the records, I'm too pissed off—j. germ

NEW ROB ROBBIES
Nuts and Balls (Mind of a Child)
I love just about everything about this record. It's a ten inch on clear vinyl. It's solid pop rock that's just deliberately fucked up enough to be weird pop rock. They hit all the wrong notes, it's great. I sort of had to promise felatio to Mind of a Child to get this record as I could not find it locally. They told me that someday, perhaps I will be called upon to fulfill that promise. I think I'm contractually obligated by law, after all it is an oral contract—J. Germ

SCHWA
Vertical (Two Flight)
Hey, Malcolm here, how yah doin'? Yeah, ah, so anyways I was given this Schwa CD to review and its not even metal and they want me to give it back when I'm done reviewing it. I tell yah, they don't trust me for shit around here. I usually don't go for the clean sound likes on this record and I usually like for someone to be screaming something somewhere on a record but I didn't get that either. But I kinda liked this CD anyways. Beverly Gibson's got a really strong voice that this particular record review finds enchanting. Yeah, I listened to it a lot and I think sometimes (and I know that this is gonna sound weird) but I think sometimes that she's singing just to me. It's true. My old lady says that I thought the same thing about Madonna, Polly Jean Harvey, Reba McIntyre and Bjork but that ain't true. Anyways, it wasn't like this. Two-Flight won't return my phone calls concerning this pressing matter. I gotta go eat a big sloppy meatball samich—Malcolm Tent

STONE DEEP
"Ganges & The Govt." b/w "Mr. Sunray" (Secession Recordings)
Another attempt at the fusion of rock and rap. "Don't even trip/It's the Bloods and the Crips/Uncle Sam and his crew are gangbanging too," pretty much sums up the first song. All I gotta say about the b-side is "Mr. Sunray, a-hey-hey/What's the, what's the word for today?"—M. McMurphy

VAMBO MARBLE EYE
Pop Goes the Vambo 7" (Off-white)
Yet another fine Off-white release. This little baby slipped under the Wiglar door in the form of a cassette at thee last possible minute; no cover, no song names, no nuthin' except the promise that it would soon be pressed into tasty little seven inch records with individually silk-screened jackets. Well, let me just say one thing, it had damn well better, 'cause I get paid in product, not promises. Four songs recorded live to four track in the basement of the Off-white House where a lot of young talent has been layin' down the rock lately. I like it. You can almost smell the excitement. Kids with sweaty brows and fiery burning eyes and booze, lot's of booze. Yeah! I guess I could call the Off-white office and confirm the release date, but naaaah—J. Germ

LAZY
Revolutions Per Minute (Roadtrip)
Ten inch records, it would seem, are making a comeback. I don't know that they ever really had their day in the sun or if they ever went away or if there are just as many 10 inchers around now as there were when Black Market Clash and Cheap Trick's Found all the Parts were floatin' around the bins. I don't know, but I like the ten inch. Why, you ask, 'cause it's got three more inches. Duh. I think I like Lazy. Real simple song structures. Real 80s sound (which I've been rebelling against lately). Lazy just smacks of stripped down, quirky, guitar pop (don't make me compare/contrast). Boy singer, Steve Schmoll, sounds like a young Thurston Moore (Old Thurston Moore sounds like a young Thurston Moore). I won't make the clever little play on their name because I'm sure it's been done a million times and bedsides I'm just TOO DAMN LAZY! Did you all say that along with me? That would have been a gas—M. McMurphy

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RW #5 (1995)

Hey, relax. Unwind, kick back and enjoy these record reviews and remember, when reading about the following artists and their work, most of our reviewers can't even write checks let along music criticism and they sure as hell aren't qualified to judge what you should listen to.

FUDGE TUNNEL
The Complicated Futility of Ignorance (Earache)
Hey guys, it's me, Malcolm. Haven't been feelin' too well lately, irregular. Yeah, same old same old. Can't give up drinkin' though. Gave up the old lady instead. Missed the last deadline for Reglar Wiglar #4. I know some of my readers were probably more than a little disappointed. Sorry. Here's a quick run down of what band's stuff I was supposed to review; Monster Voodoo Machine, suck (most RCA bands suck), Bolt Thrower CD was cool, sold it for dope though. Ahh, le'see, Craw, Lost Nation Road was heavy. I wonder if I can still get paid for those reviews now since I just did them in this review (kick ass if I do). As for Fudge Tunnel and their latest album (which I refuse to say or write the name of because it makes my brain hurt thinkin' about what it means): shit like this records makes me pull my lips from Eddie (my bong) and stumble over to my record collection in a violent panic and start destroying all my Grim Reaper and Iron Maiden records in a wild frenzied and brutal melee. I didn't though. As much as I wanted to I couldn't 'cause my records aren't all the way alphabetized yet (I only made it to Armored Saint) and I don't think I could have found 'em before the fit wore off. Heavy Detail is not dead, my friends. Go! Burn your Helix records if you can find them. All Hail Fudge Tunnel. I gotta go lie down now. See yah—Malcolm Tent

THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE
"Kira" b/w "Alibi" (Egg)
Midwestern pop music seems to be the theme running around our PO box lately and the theme for Indianapolis label, Egg Records, as well. From the city of auto racing and gap- toothed weathermen, comes The Mysteries of Life. Got an ex-Blake Baby on there, a a real baby too, sort of. The Lifer, known to me only as Mrs. Smith, was with child during the recording of this single. Ain't that precious. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the review part: I like this record. It's good—The Germer

VARIOUS
Economium, Led Zeppelin Tribute Album (Atlantic)
I'm so fucking sick of tribute albums, man. You don't even know—Scat-in-the-Hat

NONE LEFT STANDING
Laura 4-song EP (Rhetoric)
From the Fugazi school of PC punk rock, comes None Left Standing--awww cool, it's snowing outside right now. Anyway, from the Fugazi school of PC punk rock comes None Left Standing--wow, it is really coming down!—The Germer

NEW ROB ROBBIES/VAMBO MARBLE EYE
Split 7" (OFF-White)
Hey, fuck yeah. I like the fast guitar, dual shoutin' stuff from these two bands. They've obviously had some good influences on each other. Seen both of 'em live. Funny as all get out. I don't mind a free record every now and then either. Too bad you got to pay for yours. Which you should, 'cause stealin ain't for everybody. It's for Muggsy though. I got no problem with stealin'—Muggsy McMurphy

GRAVELBED/GONE DADDY FINCH
Split 7" (Off-white)
More pop anthems from two bands that like to serve up the pop anthems. I'm a little more partial to the Gone Daddy Finch tune. Sure both songs are catchy but "Driving High" reminds me of the time I borrowed my girlfriend's car and got pulled over for havin' a busted taillight and little did I know that in the trunk she had stashed--never mind—Muggsy McMurphy

DITCHWEED
7" EP (Mono Cat 7)
There seems to be a recurring BOC riff on this seven inch, but I'm pushing past that. "Chinese Funeral," although I'm ignorant as to what a Chinese funeral entails, is a Big Fat Rocker. "Flat Earth Society" is for all you nonbelievers out there. Don't know what to say about ""Mountainside so I won't say anything. I've heard the Ditchweed demo and take it from me, their best shit has not been released yet. Hopefully it hasn't even been written yet. All's Ditchweed need is for someone to put out their record and I'm flat broke so I issue the challenge to you out there reading this. Yeah you, Indie Rocker with the trust fun. Do it—Joey "I Have Spoken" Germ

THIS JESUS MUST DIE
A Modern Adaptation f Selections from Jesus Christ Superstar (Off-white)
My mom used to have the Jesus Christ Superstar album and I used to listen to it when I was just a tiny little Christian. I was fascinated and awed by it. It was my first double concept album! Not until Zen Arcade was I to have such a religious experience. I found it to be quite exciting but at the same time it scared the beejezuz out of me just like a good religion is supposed to. If you're like me, and god help yah if yah is, then you probably stole the original copy of this record when you got kicked out of the house. If it's a little beaten and worn you might just want to grab one of these copies off the racks at your local music store. Vambo Marble Eye lay down the music. It's engineered at Ultrasuede. There's a short film that you can get to which is an interpretation of an interpretation of an event that may or may not have taken place. Look for the upcoming rock version of CATS out soon on Off-White—Muggsy "Goofer" McMurphy

PAPAS FRITAS
"Passion Play" b/w "Lame to Be" (Minty Fresh)
Goddmanit, I think Minty Fresh has done it again. Papas Fritas; three smart kids, probably met at college out there in Boston. Big college town, Boston. Majored in pop rock, no doubt. "Passion Play" is an off-beat effort with a slightly Beatlesque string arrangement. It lilts. "Lame to Be" is what got stuck to my turntable. Couldn't get it the hell off. If this song don't make Q101 heavy rotation by mid summer, I quit. The Pop Prophet has spoken!—P.C. Jones

STYX
"Babe" b/w "I'm Okay" (A&M)
God what a voice and what a sad tune, "Babe, I'm leaving/My heart is in your hands." They don't write songs like this anymore. Ten cents at Village Thrift. Best deal in town—Malcolm Tent

COUNTDOWN TO CHAOS
Graveyard Train 3 song 7"
Good old fashioned Punk Rock music: "I don't need your special reports/I don't need your fucking sports"--The Controller; "Dress like we do/talk like we do/Act like we do/But we're not like you"--Punky See Punky Do. Fuck yeah! This kind of angst ridden, paranoid sentiment has long been absent from anything that's come across my stereo in recent years. Kinda sounds like Trenchmouth at times, but maybe it's just me—J. Germ

THREE FOOT GRAPHX
Guided by Three Foot Graphx (RoosterCow)
Breaking no new ground musically, many of the current Chicago buzz bands are lapping up their position in the media's national spotlight. Choosing not to use this convenient media tool, Chicago's Three Foot Graphics still manage to be one of the smokinist acts around. From their rousing opening of "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore" to the signature Three Foot closing "Heigh Ho," the Graphx are out to entertain. Their debut EP, Guided by Three Foot Graphx captures the raw intensity of a child picking up an instrument for the first time. The cassette only release features ten one track cuts recorded live at Shitfull Studios, Chicago. Available direct from RoosterCow only—T. Bone

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RW #4 (1994)

Where you can turn to get away from the pressures of everyday life, relax, have a little fun and enjoy yourselves in these couple pages.

THE HAIRY PATT BAND
Buford's Last Pusser (choke inc.)
Jason Drenik looks mad. When he's up there on that stage screamin' and a strummin', the boy looks mean mad. Mad enough to hurt somebody. Looks like he could jes up and bust somebody's head plum to squash. And he would if he had a might to. And Joe Patt, why that boy's crazier than a pack of coons in a creek. Crazy 'n' mean. Crazy 'n' mean an' scart to die. You can tell by the way he beats on them drums of his.

Jason and Joe, why they're the whole Hairy Patt band. A drummer and a geeter player from Columbus, Ohio. I seen 'em play a live show down there in Cincinnati about two-three weeks back. You can take it from me too, they're a sweaty, greezy, dirty, backwater, shit eatin', pickin' and a grinnin' grunge country rock band who like suckin' on melon, drinkin' with Granny and maybe killin' a feller if'n they git drunk an' angry enough.

Their CD, Bufford's Last Pusser is all about the stuff I just said. There's also a song on there called "Jack and Diane" and as near as I can figure, it's about two American kids growin' up in the Heartland. Seems like Jack, he wants to be a football star and Diane, she wants to be a debutante in the back of Jack's car. Sounds like somethin' that that John Cougar fellah would be writtin' a song about don't it? N'fact, he did write a song about it, but it ain't as angry and as mean mad as the Hairy Patt Band version.

Joe and Jason, they like crusty girls too 'cause they got a song called "Crusty" that goes: "I knew a girl/she was kind of a crusty girl/but that's OK 'cause that's what I like, I like 'em crusty. These boys are sure to get yah jumpin' and a-yellin with Bufford's Last Pusser. The cover is of some slobbery looking white trash breakfast gone wrong but probably looked oh so right after a night of hoochin' and koochin'. The whole thing is just sick enough to make it worth yer pennies. That's what folks like. Makes 'em feel swell—Scat-in-the-Hat

MAMA TICK
Gimme the Five Bucks (Dubious Honor)
You are now entering a bullshit-free zone. As much as the youth culture of this country embraces all that is "alternative", there's just some shit out there from Pittsburgh to Pasedena, that just ain't gonna fly in the mainstream. Your MTV, Q-101 listening ass just ain't gonna be down with the truly abrasive and corrosive sounds that lurk just beneath the surface of the passive commercial sea in which the feets of bands like Gin Blossoms and Toad the Wet Sprocket danlge unwittingly above the sonic feeding frenzied jaws of bands like Mama Tick.

Trebly guitar played with that little distortion knob jacked is the way Mama Tick be doin' it. From the humorous "Androgenius" to the soothing nocturnal sounds of "Naptime." Bullshit B Gone be the motto of the Mama Tick.

This is the first release for singer/guitarist Ben Keller's Dubious Honor Records. In an age where some (I said some goddamnit) Independent labels are only as independent as their major label backers can afford to let them be, its good to know that alternatives to those alternatives do exist and Do-It-Yourself doesn't have a 'If someone gives you a big pile of cash" qualifier tacked on it.

I remember back in my 80s hardcore days when a band put out a record they put blood, sweat and tears into the thing and they sold it at shows and on the street and we were a fucking community and we looked out for each other 'cause we had a common goal of making music and not money for the Man.

(Editor's note: Although we appreciate Mr. Germ's glorious punk rock past, there's just not enough room in the pages of this publication for such putrid reminiscences of the glory days of yesteryear. We apologize to Mr. Germ for people not caring and we return now to the Mama Tick record review still in progress)

The cover's got pumpkins on it—Joey Germ

VARIOUS ARTISTS
The Windy City Christmas Collection (Two Flight)
You know I just hate Christmas. My damn name says it all. So what does the Brain Corp, aka, the Reglar Wiglar editors give me to review? A Christmas album, perhaps? Very good guess, students--a fucking Christmas album.

Well thank god and Santa that this compilation sounds just enough like a non-Christmas album to get The Grinch to lend an ear. When I say that it sounds like a non-Christmas album I don't mean to suggest that a the record fails in its endeavor to be a Christmas album. It just doesn't have Bing Crosby, Sinatra or some prepubescent boys choir chirping on it.

The CD features ten songs by ten different local artists. From the twang of Urban Twang's rendition of "Away in the Manger," (one of my most hated Yuletide tunes) from the dirge of Slunt's "First Noel" (a song I've always despised) the compilation is a varied, or as smart people say, eclectic mix of musical styles.

Vic Vacumme and the Attachments, Schwa, Nicholas Barron all put their unique touches to all you favorite traditional carols (of course it's got "Jingle Bells" on there) making this record anything but sacrilegious, not that I would mind if it was, I might have liked this CD even more.

Makes for a great birthday gift. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to wish you all a very Pagan Christmas. If anybody ain't doin' nuthin' on the 25th call me and we'll get friggin' wasted. Until then, back to bed. See yah—The Grinch

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